Dear Bug… A Light Goes Out

An incredible light went out yesterday, as my auntie sadly passed away. It wasn’t covid-19 but it was as equally horrendous. My auntie was my Gran’s sister and took over her role when my Gran suddenly passed away. Margy was a formidable woman, fiercely passionate, no nonsense, but incredibly caring. She was incredibly independent for most of her life, but in the past few years, she has been confined to a care home.

The difficulty with this beautiful spirit that has left us, is the fact she died on her own and we have no idea what will happen for her funeral, because of the situation with Covid-19. It brings me back to the time when my Gran died, I was a mute, who was so unwell that I couldn’t go to the funeral. I never got that closure and peace of mind.

M.E. has taken so much from me. I have missed weddings, christenings and parties, but the absolute worse is not being able to say goodbye. For years, nobody had any idea of how horrendous it is to not be able to have that tangible moment of a hug. That goodbye. It means everything but now covid-19 has forced people into this awful situation of not being able to have that closure.

Margy was just wonderful, incredible lady. It pains me to know that I didn’t get to see her for many years because of this damn disease. I remember so many wonderful things, the cards she used to always send me. They were signed with the letter ‘M’, my own James Bond spy. She looked exactly the same as my Gran, they were eerily similar in their mannerisms, and had almost identical handwriting.

I remember her coming to see me in hospital. She drove over two hours to spend five minutes and hold onto my hand. My mum called her a ‘pocket rocket’, because despite being tiny in proportion, she was a massive personality.

So tonight, we have lit a candle and the flame is dancing in the darkness, just like Auntie Margy did. We have raised a glass to her and I am watching the stars light up the sky, because I know alongside my Gran, they will be the brightest light in the sky.