A Valentine Q&A with Samuel

I’m not a huge fan of Valentine’s Day but I get asked a lot about my relationship and thought this was the best time to mention it. I first met Samuel five and a half years ago after deciding to try doing some online dating. To be honest I didn’t really have a choice as such, my surrogate big bro Stewie signed me up after been bored of me telling him that I was lonely and wanted to find a man.

Don’t get me wrong, I was still happy on my own and it wasn’t a case of needing a man to continue, but I just wanted to be like everyone else… I wanted to have a chance to be with someone who wanted me for me, baggage and all.

I’ve been asked a lot about how it must have been for Samuel to suddenly become a carer with no previous experience…and then becoming a carer, husband AND dad in the space of a relatively short time…

So I thought I would ask him!

What made you first look at online dating?
I wanted to find someone to spend my life with and have a family. I always wanted a serious relationship but was too shy to do it in person.

I spoke to a couple of girls but I never got any further…until I found you.

When I told you that I was severely unwell and had to spend a lot of time in my bed, what were your first thoughts?
I suppose I took it in but at the beginning we were just talking and having a conversation. Being disabled didn’t bother me. We just had nice chats and the more I got to know you, the more there was to like. You weren’t just a disabled girl…

Had you ever heard of M.E. before you met me?
I didn’t know what M.E. was… I only knew what you told me and I guess it made me understand why you sometimes took forever to answer a message…you’ve got to give it to me, I was patient. I never looked up M.E..so I had no expectation or assumptions of what your disability would be like. I remember you telling me that you didn’t want me to watch your videos on YouTube about how severely unwell you had been – I respected that and just got to know you instead.

So first date was overwhelming for me…the whole situ was definitely not the normal date situation…was it what you were expecting?
Ok so firstly it was weird and terrifying to meet the father of the girl you were going on date with before meeting her. I’d come from Essex on the train and that was a big thing for me. Being introduced to the family and your carers before you wasn’t what I was expecting and I remember just shaking when I got into your room.

I remember feeling self-conscious that you were going to be scared off when you saw me in person. I was worried about the idea you’d see my disability instead of me first.

What did you think when you came into my room and saw me lying in bed?
I don’t know why but I never saw you as the ill girl in bed…even though your room was full of medical equipment.

You looked the same as in your picture and I just saw you as…a friend because I felt like I’d known you for ages.

Three months into our relationship, I became severely unwell and ended up in hospital… what was the hardest thing about that?
The shock of how quickly you deteriorated was really hard. I was with you the day before and you were fine… exhausted by your trip back from your brother’s wedding but other than that you were stable. Then getting that text from your mum in the middle of the night… I felt helpless and needed to be with you.

When you were taken into hospital, I didn’t want to leave you. I didn’t want to go back to Essex and leave you in hospital. So I stayed with your mum and dad and with you in the day. I’d come with no spare clothes because I didn’t realise quite how ill you were…so I had to buy some!

I always thought we’d got engaged pretty quickly. How long into our relationship did you know that you wanted to propose?
I know it sounds mad but it was quite early on. But honestly seeing how ill you could get made me even more sure of the fact I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you.

Life’s too short…we had been talking to each other everyday for eight months and I thought how much you made me happy. Isn’t that what life is all about?

What was the best part of our wedding?
Seeing you walk down the aisle was out of this world. I always believed that you would manage it, but everything was so up and down. You had a massive fall four months before the wedding and I think it was then that we just had to go with the flow…whatever you were able to manage would be incredible.

How did you feel when we found out I was expecting a baby?
I was so excited. We had always wanted to have children but didn’t think that it would be possible because of your health…

I was much more confident than you were though…you were terrified you weren’t going to cope or that you’d fail. It was almost a complete role reversal…I had always suffered from bad anxiety and you’d always coped with everything that you’d been through. But you became mega anxious and I felt calm!

How has life changed now that we’ve become parents?
It’s great but has come with a fair few challenges. I mean sometimes it feels impossible to choose between who to look after…you might have fainted and then Felicity is sobbing…do I go to you or her?!

But it’s incredible too…she changes so quickly and I can’t remember what life before my lack of sleeps days was like!

What has life as a carer to a chronically ill person taught you?
To live in the moment and take everyday as it comes because you never know what tomorrow will bring.

You hit the nail on the head there Samuel!

Audio version is coming soon.