I must be getting older because it feels like the years are passing even more quickly. 2021…where do I even begin?
It has been a year of incredible – and very personal – highs mixed in with some lows that threatened to take the stuffing out of me.
On a personal level, I moved house into a little bungalow with a garden and my life changed. Having spent the first three lockdowns very much trapped in my flat with no escape.
That time had been difficult but precious as I got to be in a bubble with my daughter and watch her explore.
But here, I feel at home. I can sit in the garden or lay on the grass and just listen to the resident family of robins, lose myself in the quiet of outside.
I also got my Poppy cat who has become a joy. She seems to know when I’m particularly unwell or needing to rest, because she cuddles into my side and purrs to her heart’s content.
One of my greatest achievements by far was having my second book published. It’d been written with a lot of blood, sweat and tears and has been a joy to be able to finally share it with the world. The support you’ve all continued to give to me has been immense.
But physically my body has struggled.
I spent months being crippled by an intense nerve pain that felt at points like I was constantly on fire, a tingling sensation took over my neuro pathways with the slightest touch of my skin…
It’s incredibly lonely when you can’t be hugged without being in agony. I started new medication which I’ve had to stop, even though I know I could have another pain relapse, because the side effects were too challenging.
I started to paint again because it helped to get me to keep my mind away from the pain that was trying to destroy it. It was probably one of the first times that I broke down and told my family that I couldn’t cope with the pain that I was in.
I painted the world I’d once been trapped in, in all the beauty, simplicity and sadness that it came with.
Then Samuel’s health took a tumble and i lived on a constant adrenaline drive of “what’ll happen next”. Hospitals. Ambulances. London. On repeat. I dreaded the weekends because something always happened with one of my little trio.
But I survived. I survived every last moment, sometimes by the skin of my teeth. I lived the full rollercoaster of the year, I laughed at my gorgous little girl who’s face would light up every time she woke up in the morning. I’ve watched her grow since starting nursery, thrive despite the unsettling times we faced as a family.
So as reflections go… It’s been a bumpy ride, light with dark, hope with sorrow, happiness… And for the perfect ending: Felicity has just woken up and the grin is the widest I’ve seen!
